I shared last time that my sponsor said my marriage had improved since I’d been in Al-Anon.
I wonder if my husband, who is not my alcoholic, would agree entirely. Or if he misses the woman who agreed to his every whim and wouldn’t dream of inconveniencing him.
Three weeks ago, my husband sliced off a piece of his thumb with a table saw. Since then, he’s been somewhat handicapped, with this thumb in various states of bandages and splints.
Simple things are sometimes difficult. The other day, he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt and finally gave up in exasperation and asked for help.
“Geez, ” he said, standing in the closet with his shirt open and his arms at his sides. “Seems like there was a time I wouldn’t have to ask.”
“It’s my training,” I explained. “One of my character defects is jumping in to help when I haven’t been asked. I've been working hard to change that."
“Oh,” he said with a slight eye roll. “It's an Al-Anon thing.”
Which is the same thing he said when I let him drive 20 miles past his freeway exit because he was talking on his cellphone and ignored me when I asked if he had missed his turnoff.”
“I wish you had been more insistent,” he said, finally.
“I knew you’d figure it out,” I said.
On the other hand, I’m sure he doesn’t miss the money I spent on lawyers and counselors and various other remedies for my alcoholic. Nor does he miss my jumping on a plane at every new crisis, or brooding at home when I wasn’t there.
I’m sure he doesn’t miss the resentment I no doubt radiated when I agreed to things I didn’t want to do, just because he did.
I know I'm less judgmental. I'm more willing to listen to others without jumping in to "correct" them.
After only six months in Al-Anon, my husband looked at me over breakfast and said: “You’ve really changed.” And it seemed he meant it in a good way.
Speaking of mileposts, this is my 100th post. Who knew I had so much to say?
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