Tuesday, April 27, 2010

On the Verge

I’ve had this feeling lately like I’m on the verge of some new understanding. Or maybe it's insanity. My head swirls with half-formed thoughts. Things I read and see and experience feel connected and important, somehow, but I can’t seem to connect the dots. A figure appears in the mist. I squint, but the thing remains blurry and unrecognizable.

It’s not a very comfortable feeling. It reminds me of being in labor and being turned away repeatedly from the hospital because for hours my labor failed to progress. I’m here. I’m uncomfortable. Can we just get this thing over with already?

But babies and spiritual awakenings tend to follow their own schedule. It reminds me that I am powerless. Even over my own body and mind. Sigh.

All I can do in either case is to relax and focus on my breathing.


  1. It might be exciting actually. You could be on the verge of a new experience. In my humble opinion, I would rest and be ready.

  2. You remind me of my experience as the intern checking on laboring women during my medical training. "Is this labor?" they would say, excitedly. "It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would!" And they'd look at me with hope.

    I was tired and cynical. In my head, I would think "No, of course it's not labor yet. Look at you -- you're sitting here smiling at me! It's not labor until it hurts so bad you can't think of anything else but the pain gripping at your insides. Come back when you're in agony."

    I'm glad to report I never said that out loud. I believe I was always sweet and gentle.

    Why am I telling you this?

    You have reminded me of that time in my life, with your post today. I certainly don't wish mind numbing agony on you. Hope the awakening/birthing comes easy, this time.

  3. It does sound like you are on the verge of something, and I think true understanding comes only with a bit of insanity- I must be insane to want to really understand this life!

    Relaxing and breathing sound like good, positive tools to work past the plateau of whatever you are facing.

  4. I've been feeling the same way and also really restless. Wish I had the whole picture but only that something is brewing....I think just being open to whatever comes it the best...Stay strong...Sarah

  5. You just described the normal state of my brain - close to understanding but verging on insanity ;)

  6. Can relate so much. There is so much strength in this powerlessness. The strength of not interfering, letting it happen, accepting the outcome. Oh no, I dont say it is easy, I only say we have the strength to do it. Hugs across the pond

  7. When situations feel the most uncomfortable, we are on the verge of a big change or a breakthrough. The discomfort will be worth it in the end just as the pain of labor is :)

  8. Someone handed this to me at a meeting last night. I taped it to my steering wheel:

    Good Morning!

    I will be handling all your problems today.
    I don't need your help, so relax and enjoy the day!


  9. I am reminded that things happen in God's time and not mine. I forget that from time to time.