After my daughter went home, my sponsor and I talked briefly about what had happened on the way home from the airport.
It was like holding up a mirror, she said. It allowed you to see your part.
Which was true. There's no denying that my daughter's behavior changed, once mine did.
Our conversation reminded me of a tool my sponsor shared at a meeting once.
She said to take a piece of paper and fold it in half. On one side, write down something the alcoholic did that caused you to react in some way.
On the other side of the paper, write what you did in response.
Keep going with the chain of events, listing what the alcoholic did on the left and what you did because of it on the right.
When you're all done, tear the sheet in half and throw away the left side.
Everything on the right side of the page is what you're left with. That's your part.
Another way I like to think of it is that everything on the right side of the paper is "my side of the street." I want to do my best to keep it clean. If I've got a bunch of stuff on my side, I need to clean up my mess. I've got some amends to make.