The Best Medicine

I had been going to Al-Anon for just a short time when someone in a meeting said the program had given him tools that he added to his tool belt. I thought, "I want tools!" I had no idea what he was talking about, though I had already begun using them. They were all around me. I just hadn't recognized them yet.

I loved the Just for Todays, but I didn't see them as tools. To me, they provided a road map for a fulfilling life. Something to aspire to, not something to apply to situations.

I also had Al-Anon literature. At my first meeting, I bought "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon," which I read as prescribed: one day at a time.

While I was waiting for a sponsor, I also read the book "How Al-Anon Works," where I first discovered that I should not be asking my daughter about whether she had attended a meeting or if she called her sponsor. I was astonished. Really? I wasn't supposed to do that? I thought I was being a good mother.

"How Al-Anon Works" also had a whole section on slogans, which I skimmed over. I thought they were corny. I couldn't see how they would help me.

Of course, all of these were tools. Even before I realized that, they began to work in my life. I'd be rushing off somewhere, and the phrase "Just for today, I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision" would pop into my head, and I would take a breath and slow down.

The first tool I was conscious of using was detachment. And it was the slogans that helped me understand what that meant. When I found myself wanting to fix something, I'd remember "Let Go and Let God." I clung to that slogan like a lifeline. I could never "let go" of my daughter to fall into nothingness. But I could release her to a loving God. It reminded me that my daughter had her own God, and it was not me.

Soon, "Live and Let Live" became my daily motto. That happened as I began working the steps (another tool!). I had heard this slogan for what seemed my entire life, but it began to take on new meaning. I had always thought of the heart of the slogan as "letting live." My new emphasis was on the "live" part. By then I had began to really live my own life.

It was in working the steps with a sponsor that I really began to recover. A personal story I read recently in "From Survival to Recovery" put it well, I thought:

"Now I like to think of the slogans as bandages, the steps as the cure, and God as the doctor. When I am hurt, before I can get to the doctor to cure it, I usually need to patch it up temporarily to stop the bleeding. That's what bandages are for. Then I seek out a doctor to prescribe the best remedy. Finally, I take the prescribed cure and heal."

Statement of Purpose

In most of the Al-Anon meetings I attend, a Statement of Purpose is read at the beginning of the meeting along with the steps, traditions and Just for Todays.

I love this because it keeps the important principles of Al-Anon at the forefront. Meeting formats vary considerably, but these things are universal.

A blog I read this morning got me to thinking about this blog. What was my Statement of Purpose, and was I living up to it?

At Al-Anon meetings, the Statement of Purpose is intended to let you know what to expect. It varies slightly from group to group as decided by the group conscience, but usually goes something like this:

"We welcome you to the (group name) Al-Anon meeting and hope you will find here the help and fellowship we have been privileged to enjoy. Our meeting lasts approximately XX minutes.

Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination or institution. We come together for mutual help for one purpose: to help friends and families of alcoholics.

We ask that you avoid the use or mention of any material other than Al-Anon conference approved literature and avoid discussion of other institutions, treatment centers or self-help programs. Such discussion is confusing, especially to the newcomer. We thank you for helping us stick to Al-Anon principles."

I've spent the day mulling my own purpose in starting this blog. The idea began as part of my 12th step work.

I wanted to be of service and carry the message of Al-Anon. The Al-Anon Declaration says "When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, let the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen always be there, and Let it begin with me."

I do other things, of course. I take service positions in my home group, sign up to chair meetings. I hope to volunteer in the Al-Anon program in the state prison. But as a journalist, a blog seemed a way to do be of service that was also in keeping with my skills and background. I talked it over with my sponsor and off I went.

Over the course of the day, I've reflected that I've written things here that I wouldn't have said at a meeting. I was comfortable doing that because this is not a meeting, and it's all been in the spirit of sharing my experience, strength and hope.

But I've presented this blog very specifically as journaling about my recovery in Al-Anon. For that reason, I feel I need to restrict what's in this blog according to the traditions. I've gone back and deleted the posts I felt uncomfortable with from that perspective.

Here's what you can expect from me, my Statement of Purpose:

"I welcome you to this Al-Anon inspired blog. I write for one purpose: to share my experience, strength and hope with anyone who is interested in learning about Al-Anon. I pledge to do so as honestly as I am able.

I plan to avoid the mention of other institutions, self-help programs or treatment centers, and the use or mention of materials other than Al-Anon conference approved literature.

Here are my exceptions: I may use a small excerpt of something other than conference approved literature that I see or read that reminds me of an Al-Anon principle, but only as to how it relates to my program. An example is the Wall Street Journal article that inspired my post on amends.

In my line of sponsorship, we study 'Alcoholics Anonymous,' more commonly referred to as the AA Big Book. Some of the meetings I attend have agreed by group conscience to use AA literature. I will do the same.

I may also discuss the Al-Anon promises. I have heard it said that these promises are not conference-approved, but they appear in an Al-Anon pamphlet and in the book, 'From Survival to Recovery.'

I may refer to, quote or hyperlink other recovery blogs.

I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to have all the answers. This blog reflects my journey of recovery in Al-Anon. I welcome you to follow along and share your reactions, questions and your own experiences. I will do my best to let the understanding, peace and love of the program infuse these writings one day at a time."