Hello again!

It’s been years since I’ve posted. But I’m still here, still working this program one day at a time. I’m not sure how many of you are still out there, but I hope you stop by to say hello.
I attended one of my favorite meetings today, a women’s group called Sisters in the Spirit. That was the topic of today’s meeting, and it resonated with me.
In my line of sponsorship, we get together for literature studies every other month, and as the chairperson was sharing I flashed back to one years ago. It was led by my great-grandsponsor, and there had to be 40 women in the room. I wondered what it would be like to be my great-grandsponsor in that moment, knowing that every woman in that room was there because she reached out to help someone else.
Over the years, I’ve attended a lot of open AA speaker meetings and one thing that most of those speakers talked about was the feeling of being outside of things. It’s one thing I have in common with them. I’ve always felt the same way.
My great-grandsponsor always began these literature studies by talking about her sponsor, and her sponsor’s sponsor and so on, all the way back to the woman who began our line of sponsorship before Al-Anon was Al-Anon.
It made me feel a part of something, something bigger than myself.
There was a lot of recovery in the room that night, and I felt like I was floating in a sea of collective wisdom that has been passed down through generations of women in this program.
My sponsor often talks about having a God-shaped hole. I had one of those. I felt there was something missing in me. I tried to fill it with all kinds of things: work, substances, relationships, especially. I dreamed about the man who would complete me. But none of those things filled that hole because only one thing was the right size to fill that hole.
I had a God of my understanding when I came into this program, but it was in Al-Anon I learned to have a relationship with that God, and my hole got plugged. As it did I began to fill up. God, as I understand God today, is a God of love. And that’s what began to rise inside of me until it spilled over onto those around me in the form of service.
When I got involved in service is when things began to change for me. It was the first time I truly felt a part of this fellowship. And the first time I felt I belonged.
I took meetings into prisons, became an Alateen sponsor, sponsored others. As I became useful, my life gained meaning and purpose. It turned my past into gold, because I could use the pain I experienced in this disease to help others. And I got to add some links to the chain of this beautiful fellowship.
Today, I can honestly say I am happier than I’ve ever been. I feel connected. And grateful for every minute of my life.